If there are aspects of your life that freak you out and you feel like you have no control, re-frame them. Immediately. See your own hand in your situation. Figure out, without blaming yourself, how choices you made either consciously or unconsciously contributed to your current situation. This process is crucial for empowering yourself to create change. If you had the power to contribute to your reality, then you have the power to make a different choice. A conscious choice.
When re-framing your past, ask yourself this: When you think of a relationship that caused you pain, can you recall the good times with the same vivid, clarity as you can the arguments? Can you emotionally recall the sweet, softness of love you felt? When you think of the disagreements you had, does the hurt and frustration come flooding back like it happened an hour ago?
Why do we seem to only remember the hurtful, sad or scary events from our past? When it comes to remembering the “bad stuff”, the primitive part of the brain it likely the culprit for this phenomenon, which makes it so much easier to root ourselves in fear-based thought and behavior patterns instead of love.
We can’t change the past but we can change our relationship to the past. Re-framing traumatic experiences can help you transform a once life-altering emotional trigger into a momentary lesson. You don’t have the power to change the event itself, but you do have the power to shift your perception of the event from something that defines who you are to something that informs who you are.